For a sweetheart

I’m alone and the restaurant staff catches me staring off into the distance. As he clears my plate, he is concerned and asks, “Is the food not to your taste?” His question jolts me out of my reverie and it’s a while before I utter these syllabuses, “Yar-dar-shee-day.” He isn’t able to conceal his surprise that I replied in Burmese. We smile simultaneously; our smiles, sincere and awkward.

Then I’m left alone again. It’s a white formica topped table that my laptop is perched on. Surrounding the table are the perennial beech wood-backed chairs with spindly stainless steel legs. This place is chillier than your average shopping mall foodcourt. F4’s Meteor Garden theme is pumping in the background. The first rendition is in Mandarin.

And now, Burmese.

You would like these songs on the playlist today. You would break into a smile at hearing them while turning your face away from mine. Not wanting to bear the tease of my knowing eyes and good natured smirk. You might even state the obvious, “I like this song,” while you refrain from nodding to the chorus and my laughing rejoinder will be “I know!”

Bon Jovi hasn’t heard the Burmese cover of their ‘Thank You’. I’m listening to it right now and it is quite an effort to will back the sniffles.

Thank you for treating me as sweetly as you did during our Burmese days too long ago.

Eva & the Chinese Man

After shots of lao-lao (whiskey from sticky rice), cocktails and Beer Lao as always…

Female ang-moh backpacker: How long is a Chinese man?

Eva & the Belgian Zero

Belgian Zero: Is that a camera phone you’re using ?

Eva: Yup. it’s a Samsung. It’s pretty handy.

Belgian Zero: Oh wow… let me use it for a while. (Turns away as he fidgets with Eva’s phone.

Eva continues conversation with someone else.

Belgian Zero (turns back to Eva and waves phone in an excitable manner): Look here Eva! Don’t you just love this? You want some of this, don’t you? You know you do…

Eva (stares for the peekture on her phone for a couple seconds before scorn creeps all over her face): Just delete the damn pic now. I’ve seen better. Much better. And give me back my phone. (rolls eyes)

Eva : Belgian Zero

1 : 0

Eva & the Belgian Hero

Belgian Hero: Eva, in Belgium, when we drink, we say ‘Skål!’ So, Skål!

Eva (distracted by another conversation): Skål…

Belgian Hero: No, Eva! You have to look me in the eye when you say ‘Skål’ or you’ll have seven years of bad sex!

Eva (turns to look at Belgian Hero): Na… It’s only seven years. I’ve had three years of bad sex, what’s another four years?

Belgian Hero (gaps in disbelief): Hey everyone, did you hear what Eva said? (turns back to Eva, links arms with her & trains a steady gaze at her eyes) Skål!

Eva (grinning bimbotically): Skål!

The Great Adventures of Eva in Laos #5

Day 5

Luang Prabang

I decided on having my laziest day ever for this trip…

Refused to get out of the bed with the stiff Lao mattress till 10 in the morning. Post-washing up and suncreen slathering, I headed out of Sysomphone GH. I passed a man stomping past me briskly followed by a Caucasian girl on her bike who was choking back her sobs. Was it a lover’s tiff? I hesitated to butt in and after all, I was on a break from the world, but wadda… “What’s wrong?” The girl managed to spluttered that she had just been robbed by two masked men on motocycles. She tried to give chase but couldn’t get them. Her camera and her cash of US$500 were swiped. We got back to her guest house, Cold River and got her to relate the incident to us. I noted how Cold River’s management swiftly and readily made plans for her to make the police report and tried to help her contact her family for $ arrangements. Kudos to their good work. As Ms Canada was in good hands, I went on my way.

I headed straight for the market place to grab food. The market was lined with mostly baguettes stalls. The baguettes in Lao are yum! The golden crust will yield only with a firm chomp before your choppers sink into the warm fluffy bright white part of the bread wrapped around the filling of your choice. You could choose the sweet fillings of neon coloured jams or the even tastier savoury fillings of grilled or stir fried meats with the happy selection of lettuce, cukes, tomatoes and raw onion rings, but don’t stop till you hit the toppers of fried bits of whateva garnishes, fish sauce, cuttlefish sauce or searing chili sauce. My fav would be the unlikely combi of cheese spread with springy pork flosssssss… Oink! Better than breadtalk ah! Flosssss for floozies.

Slauntered over to L’etranger, Books & Tea. A bookshop very much shaded from view by the trees with their low branches planted at the entry. Dark brown shelves packed with books in Lao, English and several European languages lined the tea shop. I headed up the staircase discreetly tucked at the back.

On the second level, there was jazz wafting in the air and mild sunlight tumbling into the room through the balcony door. Red mattresses were neatly laid around the low tables with triangular pillows placed at both ends of the mattresses. An art studio occupied the extension at the back. Rows of glass bottles with tea leaves and prim labels occupied the counter. There was no one else present. I concluded that this must be heaven.

With lion for company, I read through a 1997 issue of National Geographic magazine and a tale from Haruki Murakami’s Blind Willow, Sleeping Woman and sipped a fruit shake, an iced balefruit tea and a hot ginger tea over three slow hours.

Headed to the Lao Red Cross for a local herbal sauna. The wooden cabin was packed with about six damp women clad in wet sarongs with their hair wrapped in towels or pressing damp face towels to mouths and noses to enable them to breathe better. The steam had a bittersweet scent it. It required effort to inhale the thick warm vapours.

How to enjoy a sauna bath:

1. discard every piece of clothing and accessory. Tattoos can be left on.
2. clad your nubile body in a floral sarong from boobs to knees if you think you are female. a checkered sarong from waist down if you are certain that you are male.
3. inch your way into the steam room and avoid scalding your feet on the steam vents.
4. smile, nod at all in general. keep hands and lecherous gaze to self.
5. exit after 5 mins if you are a novice, exit at max time of 10 mins if you are Lao/ Japanese/ Swedish
6. help yourself to a cup of hot unsweetened detox tea made from the maktoum fruit (has a taste similar to grapefruit).
7. let yourself be chatted up by the Jap hottie with more belly fuzz than your rug.
8. repeat 5. & 6.
9. grin broadly at the local ladies as they offer you sterilised milk or plain yogurt to slather on your face & body.
10. repeat 5. & 6.
11. make friends with the chio Thai tranny as she advises you on where to go for a good facial.
12. get back into the changing room and whip off your sarong and be amazed at how every part of your body is flushed and tingly. Give yourself a wipe down and clothe yourself.
13. no showering for at least one hour after sauna.

The laziest day ended on a celebratory note with glasses of Brut champagne.We traded cheers in different languages, screeching and giggling and tasting one another’s drinks. Laughing and trading nationalist barbs as we tripped our way home and in my dazed state, I remembered being treated to a piggy back ride.

I was so contented.

The Great Adventures of Eva in Laos #4

Day 4

Luang Prabang

I woke up to a serene morning, grinning to myself as I folded D’ter’s sleeping bag and made arrangements with Jo to visit the Kuang Si Falls with the other travelers.

As Cold River was fully booked, I checked into Sysomphone Guest House located just opposite. Met a endearing Dutch lady Mirm and since I like preying on solo female travelers, decided to ask her along to the Kuang Si Falls.

Kuang Si Falls

[Truly, I have to start inserting photos into these posts, as soon as Sir finish playing doctor to my boy toy Clive. Verbal descriptions can be lacking but I'll try]

The falls of Kuang Si are swollen with cloudy liquid aquamarine. Infinite gushes of water that tumble and tumble at perpendicular angles. Every plane and slope and jagged bit of stone lend themselves to the creation of gazillion of bubbles that turn into ribbons of endless milky froth. The translucent silverish mist licks away at bare skin and cotton outfits and slicks damp fringes to foreheads. And the falls refuse to cease its glum rumblings. Yes, water in motion makes noise.

We climbed to the top level of the falls and gingerly tread our way across the slippery mud, tree roots and rocks. As we filed past the topmost plane of the waterfall, I was treated to a bird-eye view of the falls and the surrounds. Tiers of irregular-shaped pools, gleaming foliage and copious amounts of running water streaked with the whitest foam.

The base of the falls had two swimming areas. I gazed on as Jo egged Zach to leap off a short tier of the falls together with her. Jo was an athletic livewire; plunging into the pool from a rope and executing somersaults and dives without hesitation. But when she paused for a solitary smoke, she appeared deeply pensive. For that moment, she so reminded me of my dear friend Hwn.

That evening, Mrim and I decided that we could afford to splurge on dinner. Dinner consisted of sticky rice, vegetable green curry, deep fried spring rolls, tofu laap salad & river seaweed with buffalo-skin chili paste.

By now, you understand that Beer Lao is a staple, yes? So dinner was washed down with Beer Lao and Ovaltine.

The restaurant was pretty empty when we arrived, but once Mrim and I were seated, the falangs started strolling over. They probably thought that I was a Laotian and that the dishes must be really good for a Laotian to bring a falang to the restaurant. I said to the waiter half-jokingly, “hey, we bring you good luck.” He decided that since good luck wasn’t on the menu, he didn’t want to waste too much time with us and quickly tuned us out.

Sure… Fine… Whatever… Bill, please.

Turning to Mrim, I confessed with longing in my voice, “I’ve been waiting to say this to the right person for the longest time…”

Mrim’s pretty smile couldn’t conceal her bewilderment.

“Dear Mrim, let’s go Dutch!”

Eva & the Tuk-tuk Mafia

Luang Prabang , 1am

I stepped off the bus at 1am, blinking back the sleepy haze in my mind. It dawned upon me that no one else had gotten off the bus. By then, I was surrounded by a tight team of tuk-tuk mafia.

The Great Adventures of Eva in Laos #3

Day 3

Was awake before the cockerel crowed that morning. Showered by torchlight as the electric supply to Xieng Kuang had been disrupted. I treaded out to explore the town by daylight and was lured…

Eva & Beer Lao

2/3 of a large beer lao bottle later, I heard myself giggling at everything Mc said.

Eva: Mc, I want you to know that Beer Lao is good for you, it makes you 300% funnier.

Pause.

Eva: No, wait. It makes me think you are funnier. You’re not really funny actually.

Mc: But I’m not telling jokes!

*Giggles again*

The Great Adventures of Eva in Laos #2

Day 2

Vientiane – Xieng Kuang

It was a relief to check out of the guest house without further harassment.

Scooted over to the bus terminal for the 6.30 am bus ride to Plains of Jars. As a ‘just in case’, I bought a can of nuts for the 10 hour bus ride. (The can of nuts was much handy that I expected!) It was a public bus that I rode on. Slightly cramp and without air-con. The bus was only filled to 1/3 of its capacity, so I was gonna lay out over 2 seats and reLaXxx…

Like real…